November 29, 2006
November 26, 2006
November 24, 2006
November 23, 2006
November 22, 2006
Know how I know?
In the 17 seconds that Olivia was alone in the kitchen, she got said box from the pantry, dumped the contents on the floor, and danced, jumped and slid all over the noodles.
Know how helpful a toddler can be when you are trying to pick a bazillion times a kajillion noodle particles off the kitchen floor?
Not the slightest bit.
I did at least clean the mess up before coming in here to blog about it.
November 21, 2006
November 20, 2006
November 19, 2006
So if yesterday taught us about leaving the house with a clear objective in mind, today's lesson was about meandering aimlessly. Which we actually weren't by the time we were rear-ended. We were headed to Target. (And who were we kidding - where else would we be going?)
We had pulled off the freeway and almost into certain doom when Marc came close to pulling out into traffic. There was no lane from which to merge so he stopped suddenly when he realized his mistake. I checked my rear view mirror - there was the obligatory ginormous Southern truck behind. We sat long enough for traffic to clear and just as Marc lifted his foot from the break....BAM!! It was a hard hit. I knew the truck behind us had been stopped. Had someone hit him hard enough from behind to knock his tonnage into us? No. Apparently he had also been watching the traffic, but thought that we had pulled out. When everything cleared, he saw his chance and hit the accelerator. We were in his way. I got O out. She was bug-eyed but didn't cry or get upset. In fact, she seemed really excited to see the guy who hit us when he climbed down out of his truck. (He was, by the way, very apologetic.) I was shaken up - not only was my head already hurting, but I was sandwiched a few feet between a ditch and rivers of raging traffic with my baby in my arms. Marc insisted on calling the police, though the damage to both cars was minimal. They weren't terribly long in coming and we were all soon on our way. I was by this point mired in catastrophic thoughts about death and carnage and how it all comes out of nowhere and what it really might feel like to be crushed to death by any given idiot with the wherewithal to get a key in the ignition.
And none of this touches on the worst of it: even just the smallest thought of something happening to Olivia.
November 17, 2006
November 16, 2006
I still read. Novels (slowly), magazines, blogs, news. But I don't feel like I absooooob things like I used to.
I read this great post this morning, but didn't get to really enjoy it like I wanted, peruse all the insightful comments, and really soak it all in.
I know that this was written in response, but I haven't even had time to begin it.
Hearing this story on NPR tonight made me want to read some poetry.
But not tonight. Tonight, I'll pick up the kitchen and ready myself for tomorrow. Pack O's bag and fold clean clothes. Answer a couple of emails that have been languishing in my in-box. Then I'll climb into my cozy bed, open a novel, read two pages....and promptly fall asleep.
November 15, 2006
I could go back and revise one of my drafts that never got posted? Nah.
I could post more pictures of O? Maybe.
I could talk about our day? Rain, peanut butter crackers, three poopy diapers, rain.
Marc's illness? I tried to get him to guest-post for me, but he declined. (He feels a little better, though.)
Analyze my dreams?
See, I got nothing.
Oh wait...Marc just muted the TV to tell me that his current favorite breakfast is two hard boiled eggs and toast...with some jelly.
There you go.
November 14, 2006
November 13, 2006
I apologize for yesterday's post. The nadir of my NoMoBloPoMo showing, perhaps. There were supposed to be more confessions, but in the middle of spilling it, I thought, "What the hell am I doing?"
I will come clean on this though: For...I don't know...ten minutes maybe, this morning while listening to an NPR story on the Iraq Study group, the bi-partisan panel meeting today, I seriously thought that they were saying the Rock Steady group. I could not wrap my mind around it. How had I missed this? Was it for real? What were they trying to get across? I'm all for some Aretha, but this just seemed a strange place to try and bring the funk. Maybe I was wrong...I listened closer. Finally I decided they were saying the Iraq Steady group. Not quite as odd, but just as stupid. I mean, we get it. Jeez. Iraq Steady. Give me a break.
November 12, 2006
Things O did today that surprised me
- Said "two" after I said "one."
- Remembered, upon pulling a little plastic cup out of the cabinet, that she had once used it months and months ago to rinse when brushing her teeth (also known as sucking all the baby toothpaste off the brush), and said, "teeth" over and over until I remembered also.
Ways O visited physical discomfort upon me today
- Putting her finger in the corner of my eye while I was sleeping and pinching the skin between my nose and eye
- I almost pinched her back.
November 11, 2006
November 10, 2006
Mom stayed with her and as the day wore on, she got somewhat more comfortable. She played a little with play dough, she danced a bit, she colored the cat you see here (When I pulled it out of her bag yesterday, I nearly broke down.) She didn't go far from Mom and she asked for me some, but she wasn't crying.
So we'll try again next week and Mom will go with her. Another benefit to all this is that Mom is able to see how things are done at the program. She was comfortable yesterday with the teachers and how they interact with the kids, so that made me more comfortable. Hopefully soon O will be comfortable and this will work out after all.
November 09, 2006
She was doing fine when I was leaving, even when I told her "good-bye," but soon after, I guess she realized that I really was gone and she really was surrounded by a bunch of people she did not know. Apparently that's when the crying commenced for real.
We're going back over there today and will try again, but I don't think that I am loving this program. The teachers are nice enough, but that's sort of where it stops. I have tried to talk with them about Olivia, just some kind of conversation about who she is and how she ticks, but I can't seem to really get their attention. It's like they think they already know children, what new tricks could O possibly have? It makes me feel like they are really going to invest in her, can't make any effort to help us make this transition. I don't think I'm asking for too much?
November 08, 2006
November 07, 2006
Olivia has taken to saying "Thank you" in many of the socially appropriate places, which is nice. Most of the time it comes out sounding like a very sweet "Hate you."
November 06, 2006
So tomorrow is the day. I'm back to work and O goes to Parent's Day Out for the first time. I'm anxious, having second thoughts, but feeling like it's a train in motion, impossible to stop at this point. It's just an adjustment; she'll probably end up loving it. But I have a feeling that tomorrow is going to be a challenge for everyone involved.
Send us sweet thoughts.
November 05, 2006
She's not a baby anymore.
She's talking up a storm. When she can't tell me what she wants me to know, she will show me, using her hands or mine. When she wanted me to buckle her bear into the car seat yesterday, she grabbed my hands and pantomimed what I should do. She still sticks close by and calls "Mama, Mama!" if I get too far away, but is getting much more independent, telling me "No" when I offer help with the steps or her clothes. This morning I came into the living room to find her dancing by herself to a CD that I had put on. I am so excited to be able to communicate more with her. I can't wait for her to tell me what she's thinking.
November 04, 2006
I find this less than conducive to doing what I need to do.
November 03, 2006
November 02, 2006
OK, enough of that. The program was fine, I suppose. I asked all my questions and received satisfactory answers. The staff seemed nice; the facility looked clean. But I just keep feeling like more needs to be done before I just up and leave her there. Do I just have to trust that everything is going to be fine, like they said? Should I have asked to speak to some of the other parents? Yeah, I totally should have done that. Am I worrying this to death?
The upshot is that I need to work for at least a few hours a week and I need for someone to take care of Olivia while I am working. This place is convenient and has an opening and I didn't see anything that looked like egregious neglect or filth or abuse. But I also didn't see anything that made me declare that I felt like this was the best place for her to be. Oh, are we back here again?
Today was to have been her first day. I had her bag packed and her clothes laid out. But last night she started sneezing and coughing and her nose was running like a faucet. Looks like she caught your kid's* cold already.
(*A rhetorical "your kid." I'm not talking about your kid - your kid is fabulous!)
November 01, 2006
Halloween: The Hangover
This is O at 5:45 this morning still wearing her costume (Damn you, Ben Franklin, and your stupid daylight savings). She had a great time last night; we all did. I love it when I think that she is not going to enjoy something and she proves me dead wrong. It's usually all I can do to get her to leave a hat on her head for a nanosecond, but she loved her costume. She loved the trick-or-treaters, loved giving out candy, loved going around to the neighbors, and really loved it when she finally figured out that they were giving her stuff. Marc and I had a great time decorating and hosting as many of the grandparents as we could gather (we missed you Grandaddy, Nanya, and Mimi!)
We even managed to make it out of the evening relatively candy-free. And please, if you feel like lecturing me on how I am not allowing her to have fun because I didn't stuff her full of KitKats, refrain. She had all kinds of fun and missed out on nothing. Besides, I'm having enough trouble getting her to eat something besides raisins and fig bars as it is.
(Woo-hoo! Day One! I'm so kicking your ass, NaBloPoMo! )