On Tuesday, Olivia and I spent the better part of the day at her doctor's office trying to find out why she couldn't pee. The morning started off rough with me edgy and impatient, just wanting the election over and in the bag, and then moved straight into Really, Really Bad with her having to be catheterized after the doctor was unable to get any urine to test for infection. By the time we got back to my mom's house - in what was my smartest move of the day, I had picked my mom up and taken her with us to the pediatrician's - Olivia was worn out and I was weepy. My step-father was - how shall I say? - less than excited or gracious about the turn the election was taking and very vocal about his feelings. It was not exactly what I had in mind for Election Night. By the time we got home and got the kids to sleep, I was done. I stayed up (of course), but it was more of a relieved "whew!" than an ecstatic "WOO HOO!!!"

Tonight, I found this link and as I watched, I felt tears come to my eyes and I got excited all over again. This video, of course, led me to many others similar in spirit and I spent about 15 minutes watching people in Seattle, California and Kenya celebrate a new beginning.



Olivia has been feeling much better and the pediatrician called on Thursday. She doesn't have an infection.

peas in a pod

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Happy Father's Day!

How to enjoy a weekend

 

Given the opportunity, I would take '07 back and do the whole thing over again, making the one change that would change everything. Instead, we just keep moving further away from that day, taking with us what we've learned, how we've grown, and the blessings that have found us.

Despite everything, Olivia thrives. As difficult as her illness is on her, I have come to realize that she will never in her life be as unaffected by it all as she it right now. Right now, we do the worrying for her. It hurts my heart to know that it won't always be so, but for now, I love that she is such a happy (albeit napless) kid.

Marc and I have weathered storm after storm and have a relatively unscathed marriage. It isn't perfect, but it is stronger.

I continue to miss NYC and fantasize about life in the city, but if we were still there, we wouldn't be here with our families and I honestly don't know what we would do without having so much family so close. It's beyond nice having two grandparents, seven parents, and seven siblings within a day's travel from home. (If you need for me to diagram this for you, just let me know. It's only complicated until you hear the explanation.)

Friends have offered to learn how to care for Olivia so that we can have some time to ourselves; a certain someone has even taken a class. We've made some new connections here in our neighborhood and Olivia loved the weekly playgroup that we went to for several months before the holidays got too hectic.

We have two extremely helpful women in our corner, constantly helping us out with the day to day of diabetes care: our nurse practitioner at the endo's office and our pharmacy tech at the local pharmacy. I can always count on them to go the extra mile and do what they can to make things run smoothly.

All in all, when I think back on this year, these are the things I think about. I am nostalgic for the year that could have been, how different things could be, but I am not sorry for the way that we have dealt with it all. Symbolically, I am glad to see 2007 go, for the feeling of having something new coming up. I hope beyond hope for new advances, for a cure.

So, onward to 2008...

 

Happy New Year!

The 12 (or so) Days of Christmas

I fear O might be confused about how this whole Christmas thing works, seeing as how we have been celebrating for about a week now. We've had dinners and get-togethers with multiple combinations and permutations of our Extended Re-Mix Family and there have been presents and goodies at each one. Needless to say, she's had a great time, playing with all of her uncles and aunts and cousins and grandparents. We took a bit of a break today and just chilled out with her new kitchen, but things will start back up again tomorrow when my step-father's kids visit from Nashville.

So, while we are done with the carols and the over-indulging in treats, the tree is still up and there are still a couple of presents to be opened. Things are still merry and bright around here. Hope yours continues to be a wonderful holiday as well!

Happy Birthday, Dad!

We love and miss you and hope to see you again before Christmas!

(And we're out...adieu, NaBloPoMo, until next year.)

Blogging's been hanging over my head today like a test I don't want to study for; the best I can do is a list of nothing particular in no particular order.

- We've got lots of family still visiting, scattered across the city at various relatives' homes, eating different kinds of leftovers. We are going from house to house, having some turkey here and some stuffing there.

- O's napping is on some kind of abbreviated Holiday Schedule.

- I feel sated, but not stuffed and grateful that it is actually close to cold. When we drove past the riverfront on Wednesday, most of the people working on the preparations for tonight's Grand Illumination were shirtless and in shorts. Sixty plus degrees at Thanksgiving would have been depressing.

- This time last year, O was the only diabetic in our family, but this year several members have been diagnosed with type 2, so I found myself having lots of diabetes conversations over the last few days, pointing out some of my on-line resources and finding out how much they were learning from their MDs about heart health, A1cs, etc. Worrisome.

- Olivia has not only learned about candy and cake this fall, she has also been turned on to the whole Santa Claus thing. So now, everything is SANTA CLAUS. She wants to see him, she wants to see him now. I have a feeling that when she actually does see, it's going to be Scream-Fest 2007.

- I apologize in advance for what I about to say. There is little that is more dispiriting and blech than a bunch of people sitting around a TV watching football. There. I said it.

- Marc is in the bathroom cleaning out the shower and this makes me feel slightly elated.

- We're going for a walk tomorrow and I intend to find the Perfect Autumn Leaf. I know that it is out there.

That is all. Carry on.

I have so very much to be thankful for...my heart feels extremely full this morning.

We had very good news from a very good friend who had a very bad scare.
O continues to adjust and thrive.
We are blessed with family and friends.
Marc is learning and growing at work.
There are exciting things lining up for next year.

The list goes on and on...today, as everyday, I am grateful.

And I am grateful to you guys for being out there, for reading and commenting, and getting excited about bunny slippers and sympathetic about stubborn lows, and offering suggestions and encouragement. It means so much today and everyday.

Happy Thanksgiving...

Take this as you will, but I feel that I am probably putting out some weird energy this week. Everything seems about 14 degrees off and I feel a bit...static-y.

Marc's grandfather died two night before I had the miscarriage and we traveled to GA on Thursday for his memorial. He had been quite ill; the loss is hard for Marc and his family. Marc sort of put on his game face and soldiered through the week, while I have vacillated between wanting to talk a lot about the miscarriage (perhaps inappropriately to near-strangers) and not wanting to think about anything at all.

O has been freaking out and I have had little patience for her, I am ashamed to say. I know that she knows something is wrong; at the least, she thinks that "Mommy doesn't feel well." She has told me 100 times this week, "It's OK, Mommy," but she has also hit and kicked me as many times and unfortunately I have reacted more strongly to that behavior. We all three have come down with some kind of cold/mystery flu and that hasn't helped matters much.

At some point this weekend, I lost my brand-new camera, the one Marc gave me for my birthday less than a month ago and it has nearly unhinged me. I have re-traced my steps, gone back to all my weekend destinations, turned the house upside down...it's nowhere. And I have been ANGRY about it. I know that it isn't all about the camera, but it is a convenient place to dump some of it.

Some of my favorite holiday moments:

Spending time with my ladies at the B&B. Despite runny noses (two), other unidentified lingering maladies (numerous), a schedule that would not be wrangled and a broken watch (Katy had a Bad Day), and overflowing Toddler Energy, Eden, Katy and I managed to steal some time one evening to drink wine and open lovely gifts. In the midst of an "Am I doing this parenting thing right?" crisis, it was a balm for my soul.

Taking part in my first Christmas celebration with my extended biological family. While I am sure that I will never be made fully aware of how my finding my biological mother and brother might have stressed them or any of their relationships, Marc, Olivia and I have always been made to feel so welcome. Everyone has done everything they can to help us find our place in the family. It felt good to be with them around the tree.

Watching Olivia CRACK HERSELF UP with the toy her aunt sent her. Over and over again, she laughed big belly laughs as she threw her head back and covered her face with her hands. She was the definition of fun.

Opening presents with O and Marc around the tree in our new house on Christmas Eve. Marc had to do rounds Christmas morning, so we celebrated a day early. It was nice and quiet and cozy.

Hope everyone had a nice holiday!

If I had taken the time to sit and write to O yesterday as I intended, I would have told her how she has caused my heart to spill over and out of my chest about 50 times the last couple of days, how seeing her be so affectionate with her grandparents has made the fact that we are back here in Tennessee easier to live with, though I have so been missing New York lately.

Traveling, eating, napping, repeat.
It's been a fine day.
Hope yours was, as well.
Happy Thanksgiving!