1. Show up late to New Friend's house for first "Let's get the husbands and family together" dinner. Bring well-behaved pre-schooler, adorable baby and yummy dessert.
2. Get kids settled in and husbands introduced. Smile and relax as wine and conversation flow.
3. "Ooh" and "ahh" over yummy-looking dinner coming out of oven. Look forward to consuming said dinner with more of said wine and conversation.
4. Turn on stove in preparation for gluten-free noodles for child's dinner. Barely register when New Friend asks whether cooling-on-stovetop casserole should be boiling.
5. Laugh and joke with New Friends right up to the point where explosive pop sends glass and chicken all over stove. Hear Husband exclaim, "You turned on the wrong eye." Die a little inside.
6. Scramble with New Friend and husbands in attempt to salvage what is left of dinner. Marvel that everyone seems open to possibility of eating the top off the casserole.
7. Snort with semi-hysterical laughter as you fan smoke towards open windows, realizing that you have ruined dinner but your New Friends don't seem to be holding it against you.
7. Yell "FIRE!"
8. Check on children. Think about silencing fire alarm. Stare stupidly at flame.
9. Take giant step back as New Friend pulls out a fire extinguisher.
10. Jump and shy like scared horse as fire extinguisher explodes into action, covering flame, dinner, stove, and everything nearby in yellow dust.
11. Wish that one could go back a few minutes in time, back to when a ruined dinner seemed like the ultimate in humiliation.
12. Recognize that feeling in stomach as a deep and abiding need for a tall, frosty adult beverage.
13. Fall in love a little when New Friends seem to think that the evening has been, if nothing else, fun.
Labels: friends, ouch