The Dinner Guests - A Cautionary Tale
1. Show up late to New Friend's house for first "Let's get the husbands and family together" dinner. Bring well-behaved pre-schooler, adorable baby and yummy dessert.
2. Get kids settled in and husbands introduced. Smile and relax as wine and conversation flow.
3. "Ooh" and "ahh" over yummy-looking dinner coming out of oven. Look forward to consuming said dinner with more of said wine and conversation.
4. Turn on stove in preparation for gluten-free noodles for child's dinner. Barely register when New Friend asks whether cooling-on-stovetop casserole should be boiling.
5. Laugh and joke with New Friends right up to the point where explosive pop sends glass and chicken all over stove. Hear Husband exclaim, "You turned on the wrong eye." Die a little inside.
6. Scramble with New Friend and husbands in attempt to salvage what is left of dinner. Marvel that everyone seems open to possibility of eating the top off the casserole.
7. Snort with semi-hysterical laughter as you fan smoke towards open windows, realizing that you have ruined dinner but your New Friends don't seem to be holding it against you.
7. Yell "FIRE!"
8. Check on children. Think about silencing fire alarm. Stare stupidly at flame.
9. Take giant step back as New Friend pulls out a fire extinguisher.
10. Jump and shy like scared horse as fire extinguisher explodes into action, covering flame, dinner, stove, and everything nearby in yellow dust.
11. Wish that one could go back a few minutes in time, back to when a ruined dinner seemed like the ultimate in humiliation.
12. Recognize that feeling in stomach as a deep and abiding need for a tall, frosty adult beverage.
13. Fall in love a little when New Friends seem to think that the evening has been, if nothing else, fun.
2. Get kids settled in and husbands introduced. Smile and relax as wine and conversation flow.
3. "Ooh" and "ahh" over yummy-looking dinner coming out of oven. Look forward to consuming said dinner with more of said wine and conversation.
4. Turn on stove in preparation for gluten-free noodles for child's dinner. Barely register when New Friend asks whether cooling-on-stovetop casserole should be boiling.
5. Laugh and joke with New Friends right up to the point where explosive pop sends glass and chicken all over stove. Hear Husband exclaim, "You turned on the wrong eye." Die a little inside.
6. Scramble with New Friend and husbands in attempt to salvage what is left of dinner. Marvel that everyone seems open to possibility of eating the top off the casserole.
7. Snort with semi-hysterical laughter as you fan smoke towards open windows, realizing that you have ruined dinner but your New Friends don't seem to be holding it against you.
7. Yell "FIRE!"
8. Check on children. Think about silencing fire alarm. Stare stupidly at flame.
9. Take giant step back as New Friend pulls out a fire extinguisher.
10. Jump and shy like scared horse as fire extinguisher explodes into action, covering flame, dinner, stove, and everything nearby in yellow dust.
11. Wish that one could go back a few minutes in time, back to when a ruined dinner seemed like the ultimate in humiliation.
12. Recognize that feeling in stomach as a deep and abiding need for a tall, frosty adult beverage.
13. Fall in love a little when New Friends seem to think that the evening has been, if nothing else, fun.
posted by Paige at 10:13 PM
4 Comments:
Ah Damn. that's crazy!
LMFAO!!!!!
They must not have a life if they thought that was fun, LOL.
That sounds like something that would happen to me at someone else's house. I'm a walking disaster.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for that hilarious review of the evening. I love that it all ended well.
I am so proud of you. Written like a true protégé. This is a good start. Of course, I also would have thrown up everywhere and said something offensive about the new friend’s political/racial/religious identification. Your timing is impeccable. You need to get this kind of hazing process underway early, because you only have room for the strong. Being friends with us is not for the faint of heart.
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