November 22, 2008

I just wanted her to be able to be a normal kid having a normal time at a birthday party. I wanted her to play and not be afraid. I wanted her to not have to worry about what she had eaten or how much insulin she had taken. I wanted to be able to stand around with the other parents as she ran and slid and jumped. But instead I made a rookie mistake and didn't give her enough snack. She ran and played until she started to go low and then she stopped and cried. She spent most of the rest of the party feeling clingy and afraid.

I know that she doesn't get to be a normal kid, but sometimes it just hits harder and hurts more.

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Blogger Major Bedhead said...

Ugh. Days like that suck. Try not to beat yourself up too much, although I know that's not easy.

My O was 28 the other day. Walking and talking, but still. Twenty-freakin'-eight.

12:28 AM  
Blogger Lee Ann Thill said...

Sounds like my wedding. I bolused and didn't end up eating that much because of all the first dances and whatnot. I ended up guzzling OJ between every dance, except for the dances I missed because my infusion set had come off because I was sweating from the lows. It really, really sucked. I wish I could tell you it'll get better for her, but at least there will always be people who understand. Don't blame yourself. It's just how it is sometimes.

12:36 AM  
Blogger Nicole P said...

If it's any comfort, Paige - in the grand scheme of things, it's not those moments that O will cling to. She'll remember the great times at parties. If she follows the same path most of us follow, she'll simply remember being a kid - and all the cool stuff (and later on in being a kid - not so cool stuff; ie: high school cliques). Diabetes won't be the central player in her memories. Not saying it won't be there - just saying it'll have more of a 'bit' part than a starring role.

Lee Ann's right, it remains tough sometimes. But even when I've made "rookie mistakes" (27 years in?? How does THAT happen??) - it's often the better parts of the days I made those mistakes that I remember. An example, the first time Bob and I stayed together overnight, I woke up in a hospital emergency room. I remember that. But what I remember most about that trip - was the great day we spent before it happened and the car ride home when I realized I wished we could just drive forever - never having to be out of each other's company. I tend to think those'll be the kind of things O remembers...

I loved your post about your gorgeous boy, by the way. He's just beautiful and that photo of the two of you gave me chills.

5:06 PM  
Blogger Paige said...

Oh no. 28? That is scary.

Thanks everyone. Olivia has been talking about what a good time she had yesterday, so I am glad for that.

8:54 PM  

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