June 10, 2008

The Third Trimester, otherwise known as...

"Get up off that chair, Mommy!"

I have about seven more weeks, but it feels like this baby could come tomorrow. I have written very little here or elsewhere about these last few months which I regret, but there just seems to have been so little time. Or energy. I don't remember pregnancy being quite so draining, even though I was working a full-time job the first time around, walking my groceries and laundry around, riding the subway. Of course, I was minus one three-year-old, in better shape and as one of my mid-wives delicately pointed out at my last appointment, younger. I am tired, people.

I have a few other complaints which I'll mercifully spare you, but I am hanging in and the time is going by quickly, so I feel certain that I won't fall apart due to sciatica and heartburn. The lack of sleep might be the end of us all, though. I have gotten a little touchy lately about the whole sleep issue. People laugh as they ask if I am having to get up a lot at night to take my pea-sized (hee. pea-sized. pea. pee. get it? shut up.) bladder to the bathroom and then they laugh and remind me that I will be getting up even more once the baby arrives and I try to remember that they have no idea that we get up a lot as it is to check Olivia's blood sugar. Marc has been helping a lot lately and Olivia is sleeping well, so we are up on that score. It's when the baby comes and keeps Olivia up at night that things are really going to get schizo.

O still seems excited for the most part, though she does get tired on occasion of being asked about her new brother. This past weekend was the first time that I have seen the child actually shoot someone a dirty look in response to the inquiry. She doesn't seem terribly anxious and I am hoping the transition will be smooth for her. We have taken a step that could muddy things up, though...I'm not sure. We are going to (try to) put O in pre-school for a few hours twice a week for July and see how things go. I have to admit to feeling pessimistic about it. I just can't imagine that she is going to get comfortable with this and while I know that a lot of people would say that this is only because I won't be comfortable and that is probably part of it, but Olivia is a proud momma's girl and does not cotton to me leaving her in the living room, much less some strange place with a bunch of strange people.

Six weeks ago I was certain that this was something we both needed, but as it has gotten closer and more real with plans and visits to the school being made, I do wonder if I am ready either. Am I ready to turn her over to people who don't love her, who aren't family? Am I ready to trust someone else with her diabetes care? Am I ready for other children to possibly hurt her feelings? Am I ready to leave her to navigate her surroundings without me? Am I ready for school?

I am mentally committed to at least the summer program and I am getting all my plans and paperwork together. We'll give it a try and see how things go. She seems excited when we talk about it. Maybe she will love it, I will feel secure about it, her teachers and nurses will confidently take on the responsibility and it will be capital-S smooth. If not, she'll be a full-time big sister and we'll try again with kindergarten.

Either way, things are changing and this period of our lives is coming to an end. Very soon, there will be new people, new places and friends, a new baby. So, for now I savor these last few moments with Olivia, mornings when we wake and it is just the two of us and a whole summer day to share, evenings when we lie in her bed and talk about her favorite part of the day. And softly, I hear the clock tick, tick, tick...

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4 Comments:

Anonymous katiek said...

I hear you talking about putting O in school and I"m like, "Of course! Put her in school!" and then my scattered pregnant brain forgets,"Oh my, I totally forgot she was diabetic" and that's terrible, so I"m confessing for something that you'd never know. That would add much more to school. It does add so much freedom, and if you have a program that has nurses etc. I still think you'd love the little tid bits of time and independance. Scary as it may seem. But power to ya, in whatever you choose. Jos goes to kindergarten and Eden will do the New City Fellowship pre K.
I remember all those feelings about bringing in the second child. Now the memories that I pine for are not necessarily the ones where Josiah was 2 and it was just me and him, it's the memories of Josiah when he was a newborn and I would lie in bed ALL morning nursing, sleeping, watching him sleep. That's the period I miss. Now, I can't imagine him being alone because he loves his sister so much. I would share all the funny entertaining things that his new sister would do, like stretch like a little bird, make silly faces even the screaming was funny if we shared it and laughed out of hopelessness. Josiah has always been my little buddy, in so many different ways than Eden. We will enjoy the new baby even more as his observations sharpen. And Eden gets to be that big nuturing sister she wants to be.
It'll be great, promise. :)

9:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Paige,

Let me just share with you that Stella started preschool the week after she got out of the hospital. We were all terrified. And it has turned out to be absolutely wonderful. She goes 4 mornings, and although she is also very much a momma's girl, she loves it.

Here are the highlights -- for her: She loves her friends and teachers. The school offers art and music that mom DOES NOT. She does like the routine. She likes learning!

The highlights for me -- it was the first test of someone else doing some of the diabetes care, communicating all that to teachers and staff, and letting go a wee bit. Thankfully it's all turned out so much better than we'd even hoped. Because Stella is only there in the a.m. they check her bg once and administer shots we've made up (either 5/10th or 10/10ths) after they call us. They call us a lot. They give her snack and lunch (which we pack). Most important they recognize signs of a low and have always acted appropriately (and called). I keep saying "they" because Stella has two teachers and they both are trained/good at Stella's care.

This has given me a glimpse of what it will be like when Stella goes to school fulltime. And that's a bit daunting because the amount of education we parents must give is enormous. But because our preschool experience has been WONDERFUL, I now know that "going to school with diabetes" can be done "right". By right I mean in a way that the child doesn't feel different in any way. That the parents trust she is safe. That learning is the focus - but diabetes is never forgotten.

I urge you to try it, and push through the first 2-3 weeks because the crying at drop off does stop and a great preschool is a great experience for a kid.

Please call or email if you have any more questions.

Congratulations on reaching tri-3!
-Stellasmom

5:50 PM  
Blogger Major Bedhead said...

My O started pre-school when she was 4, a year after her dx. It was difficult, but at the time, I had no choice (looming divorce, needed to go back to school for training). It was difficult but her teachers were absolute stars about it and really took great care of her. I was very sad when she was finished up there.

Try to stay positive - it may be great. There will be an adjustment period, definitely, but give it time.

Being pregnant when you have a little kid doing laps around you is utterly exhausting. Sleep whenever you can. Trust me on this one. I didn't and I'm STILL not caught up. *sigh*

9:41 PM  
Blogger Shannon said...

I'll pipe in with my 2 cents on preschool:

I say go for it. It'll be good for her to have some independence away from you. Plus, if you find a place that is willing to take care of her diabetes, you know it will be a loving place for her. Brendon had the best experience in preschool and the kids were great with him. At first they showed a lot of curiosity with the finger pokes and dosing, but soon after the novelty wore off and it was all background noise for them. They never made fun of him and in fact, they were very concerned and protective of him.

The teachers were incredible. If there was a party, they'd call me with the amount of food he was given and I'd tell them how much to dose. They were so good about it. Also, they picked up on signs of lows that I never picked up on. They were soo attentive with him.

It'll be good for O to socialize and have her own "me" time. And it will give you a chance to bond with the baby without having to meet O's needs at the same time.

I found it to be the best thing for everyone. Jess and Jake got the attention they needed from me as well.

10:32 AM  

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