I'm looking at almond butter when they round the corner and head down the aisle. Two cute college-age girls, laughing and talking. They stop near me and from the way they begin picking items up and reading and discussing the nutrition information, I guess that they are working on some kind of project. My ears perk up when they start talking about gluten.

"This gluten-free stuff has so many carbs," says one.

"It doesn't matter; I don't have to count carbs," says the other.

"Oh my god, can you imagine if you had to eat this gluten-free stuff and had, like diabetes or something and had to count carbs all the time? God, that would suck so bad."

They both laugh. Not cruelly, but just in that way that you do sometimes when you are young and imagining something that would indeed suck so bad, something that you, thankfully, don't currently have to worry about.

I feel like all the air has been sucked out of me.

I've reached that point in life where I don't as often look at college-age people and remember myself at that age. Instead, I imagine my children at that age. I look at those beautiful, carefree girls and think of Olivia. I wonder how things will be for her as she gets older and is that pre-teen, teenager, college student for whom things "suck so bad."

Will she be depressed? Will she be strong? Will she have friends who support her or will her peers give her a hard time? Will she be healthy and do her best to make the "right" choices? Will she rebel and not care for herself as she should?

I suppose that the best guess is "yes, all that and more."

18 months

Big boy. So loving. So full of life.

 

He calls Marc "Papa" and Olivia "Thith." He calls out "Mama" hundreds of times a day. "Hot," "ball" and "dog" are also on heavy rotation.

 

He's independent and can entertain himself for long periods of time with kitchen utensils, but when he decides he wants to be carried, there is no putting him down. He retreats to the laundry room to have his tantrums. He is extremely strong-willed.

 

He's curious and affectionate and charming. He looks for Olivia when she's at school and gives her hugs when she comes home. He loves his people and lets us know.

 

Happy year-and-a-half, Sawyer. I don't know how we managed before you came along...

My Boys